I am a low maintenance friend, truly. Like I could go a whole week not talking to someone and be totally okay with it. Or someone could just basically forget I existed and literally speak to me a year earlier and I’ll be okay with it.
I see myself, or at least I’d like to see myself, as someone who even after momentous amounts of time you could come talk too and it’ll be like no time has passed. Yesterday my friend Emmanuel called to talk about meeting up when I jet over to the States. We haven’t spoken for like 2/3 YEARS and yet we spoke for an hour plus about everything and nothing and it was great. We caught up a little and joked a lot.
This is the kind of friendship I crave. One where both parties don’t expect daily updates unless it’s life or death but just enjoy the chat when it comes. When I and you, thousands of miles away, are clued into each other’s life events and not about what you had for lunch today, the important stuff minus all the jargon surrounding it.
So if and when I do have the luck to meet you sometime in my life and we do end up being friends, I really hope you remember this little nugget about me.
Recently I came across this saying, a mantra more like it.
At first glance this is nothing more than a phrase, concocted by pure talent. But, little did I know, it holds more truth than you can imagine.
You see, one can victimise themselves to their SO, friends, making the others the bad guy, all they want.
Lie to them, twist words to work in their favour, tell them sweet nothings to get them tangled up in their web.
To those who dare do this, who dare go against humanity and stoop this low, just remember, at the end of all this ;
What 3 things cannot long be hidden?
The Sun, The Moon, The Truth.
I know, you told me how things are for you. You sat down patiently, time and time again, explained to me why you and I could never be. A past demon which haunts you, forbids you from falling inlove. Incapacitates you the second a relationship blooms up, disallowing you from loving someone and letting someone love you. And with each time, I laughed and held your hand, hugged you close, told you how much I understood what you went through and would never expect more from you because the feelings I had for you. It made me forgo the possible future
But now, as much as I have tried to think like a man, to separate the emotional entity from the practical, I have fallen for you as I shouldn’t have. Not only for your sake but mine. For the fact my heart needs to heal from all the emotional distress I have caused it by loving someone who mistook my loving for his own use, loving someone who was my angel for a little while and back to loving someone who’s second chance was wasted upon.
I should learn to live, to breathe, to enjoy life as mine and mine alone. I should be able to go places and do things and meet people without worrying about the intention behind each smile, each laugh, each wink. I have been alone for 18 years of my life and I survived. I survived the good times and the bad. The loneliness and demons that crept up each night from my thoughts, consuming my every being till the sun rose once more.
I should learn to be alone once more. I should learn to be ordinary once more.
But, I just can’t anymore, not with you being around me, charging up the air like a live wire. Call it a physical attraction or a mental connection, you’ve got me caught up in your world and I’m not ready to leave. Not just yet.