I am trying so hard to be a better. To be someone who isn’t sad an insecure all the damn time. To be someone who is reliable and happy god dammit. But what happens when the person you trusted to open up too about things you’ve never told anyone about, doesn’t trust you the same way?
How do you stop your broken pieces from coming undone?
All the bitter hate. All the nonsensical arguments we had because one of us got angry too quickly, took a joke too far, took a comment too seriously.
All the times we created so much friction after so much passion, so much ease. For all the times where looking at you became so difficult that just being in your company leaves me running for solitude, leaves me hiding from the world cause no matter how much I try to avoid you, its impossible. You’re everywhere, inescapable.
You left me hanging, alone, without much of a thought. Like I never touched your life, like i never meant anything to you, like my friendship wasn’t worth your worry, your memories. I never did understand, and probably never will, what I could’ve done to deserve such treatment but it must’ve been bad cause everyday slowly starts to feel like a rat caught in a maze only this time there isn’t a block of cheese waiting for me at the end of the line, only sorrow and loneliness follow.
And for all those times, no matter the bad or the unbearable, I could never hate you as much as I tried. I’ve just learnt to love me enough for the both of us.