Low maintenance friend

I am a low maintenance friend, truly. Like I could go a whole week not talking to someone and be totally okay with it. Or someone could just basically forget I existed and literally speak to me a year earlier and I’ll be okay with it.

I see myself, or at least I’d like to see myself, as someone who even after momentous amounts of time you could come talk too and it’ll be like no time has passed. Yesterday my friend Emmanuel called to talk about meeting up when I jet over to the States. We haven’t spoken for like 2/3 YEARS and yet we spoke for an hour plus about everything and nothing and it was great. We caught up a little and joked a lot.

This is the kind of friendship I crave. One where both parties don’t expect daily updates unless it’s life or death but just enjoy the chat when it comes. When I and you, thousands of miles away, are clued into each other’s life events and not about what you had for lunch today, the important stuff minus all the jargon surrounding it.

 

So if and when I do have the luck to meet you sometime in my life and we do end up being friends, I really hope you remember this little nugget about me.

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A thank you, for all you sexy people out there.

Have you ever come across a moment, where you suddenly realise all you’ve existed as, has been the most pathetic thing witnessed in human history?
Where everything you’ve ever done just pisses the fuck outta you?

Well I just did, and fuck, I have acted like the worlds biggest wanker.

Yes I did not have an easy life socially. Being horribly awkward, did leave me by my lonesome self at times.
Yes I did take it to heart when some friends didn’t shape up to who I thought they were.
Yes I admit to being the one who made her emotional past a part of her, never allowing herself to be happy, always trying to be the lone wolf.

What the absolute fuck was I thinking.

I should be bursting with joy with the life I’ve got! Family that annoys the living daylights out of me but break out the knuckle dusters the second I need them. Friends that would overlook the socially awkward child sitting here, banging away on her words and care for her. Blessed to even have the opportunity to wake up in a bed under warm covers. Ecstatic that I’m able to call Edinburgh my home. Jumping that my birthday is coming and realising that it’s okay to think about yourself sometimes. No one will love me any less. Why?

They actually care for me.

And what have I been doing with that precious notion for the past couple of years? Cry about all those times that hurt like a little bitch instead of celebrating all the moments that I might never get again. Cherishing relationships, enjoying nature and just, heck, just living live. Not everyone is as lucky as I am and instead of running away from it, its about time I embrace it with open arms and a happy heart.

It’s time I stopped acting like a fucking victim. It’s time I stopped crying over people who didn’t care about me and appreciate the ones who do.

So here it is, a thank you for making this life beyond amazing. A thank you for taking the time to make my day, however small your gesture may have been. A thank you, even to those who have made my life difficult cause without you, babe, I would not be the strong kickass woman I am today. And finally a thank you, for making me realise how wonderful this life can be even if it comes with a side of depressing and thats okay. You ain’t gonna die from a portion of it.

It’s time to live cause fuck, being 21 is just the beginning.

Solitude.

Solitude is very different from a ‘time-out’ from our busy lives. Solitude is the very ground from which community grows. Whenever we pray alone, study, read, write, or simply spend quiet time away from the places where we interact with each other directly, we are potentially opened for a deeper intimacy with each other. – Henri Nouwen

Someone once told me that relationships, may they be friendly or romantically inclined, tend to break down faster if it is strained by the involved being in each other’s company constantly. And by constantly I mean literally never leaving their side.

Before today I never believed it. A prime point I stressed was how no matter what it was always up to the people involved to make it work, but now I truly see what they meant.

Everyone needs their solitude.

Everyone needs their time alone to do what they do best, be themselves. Yes, company is fun, company is much needed but too much can kill not only the relationship but you. You slowly lose a part of yourself, you forget how to just be you cause you’re too busy being you + them or you + him/her.

Solitude is not something people want but essentially need.