Have you ever come across a moment, where you suddenly realise all you’ve existed as, has been the most pathetic thing witnessed in human history?
Where everything you’ve ever done just pisses the fuck outta you?
Well I just did, and fuck, I have acted like the worlds biggest wanker.
Yes I did not have an easy life socially. Being horribly awkward, did leave me by my lonesome self at times.
Yes I did take it to heart when some friends didn’t shape up to who I thought they were.
Yes I admit to being the one who made her emotional past a part of her, never allowing herself to be happy, always trying to be the lone wolf.
What the absolute fuck was I thinking.
I should be bursting with joy with the life I’ve got! Family that annoys the living daylights out of me but break out the knuckle dusters the second I need them. Friends that would overlook the socially awkward child sitting here, banging away on her words and care for her. Blessed to even have the opportunity to wake up in a bed under warm covers. Ecstatic that I’m able to call Edinburgh my home. Jumping that my birthday is coming and realising that it’s okay to think about yourself sometimes. No one will love me any less. Why?
They actually care for me.
And what have I been doing with that precious notion for the past couple of years? Cry about all those times that hurt like a little bitch instead of celebrating all the moments that I might never get again. Cherishing relationships, enjoying nature and just, heck, just living live. Not everyone is as lucky as I am and instead of running away from it, its about time I embrace it with open arms and a happy heart.
It’s time I stopped acting like a fucking victim. It’s time I stopped crying over people who didn’t care about me and appreciate the ones who do.
So here it is, a thank you for making this life beyond amazing. A thank you for taking the time to make my day, however small your gesture may have been. A thank you, even to those who have made my life difficult cause without you, babe, I would not be the strong kickass woman I am today. And finally a thank you, for making me realise how wonderful this life can be even if it comes with a side of depressing and thats okay. You ain’t gonna die from a portion of it.
It’s time to live cause fuck, being 21 is just the beginning.