To my one and only retard, this is for you.
1. Having someone in your life who you often do not want breathing in your direction yet who you’d still help hide the body if they asked.
2. How discussing the politically incorrect thing one of your parents just said is infinitely more gratifying with someone who cares and gets it like your sister does.
3. Having someone with whom you hold an exclusively mutual understanding of just how weird and dysfunctional your family is.
4. You had all the same things growing up, but one of you had everything in pink and the other had everything in blue or purple. That’s just how it went down.
5. The humiliation in having to wear matching dresses during the holidays and have elderly relatives ooh and ahh over how much you look alike.
6. Having another person on your…
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