I know, you told me how things are for you. You sat down patiently, time and time again, explained to me why you and I could never be. A past demon which haunts you, forbids you from falling inlove. Incapacitates you the second a relationship blooms up, disallowing you from loving someone and letting someone love you. And with each time, I laughed and held your hand, hugged you close, told you how much I understood what you went through and would never expect more from you because the feelings I had for you. It made me forgo the possible future
But now, as much as I have tried to think like a man, to separate the emotional entity from the practical, I have fallen for you as I shouldn’t have. Not only for your sake but mine. For the fact my heart needs to heal from all the emotional distress I have caused it by loving someone who mistook my loving for his own use, loving someone who was my angel for a little while and back to loving someone who’s second chance was wasted upon.
I should learn to live, to breathe, to enjoy life as mine and mine alone. I should be able to go places and do things and meet people without worrying about the intention behind each smile, each laugh, each wink. I have been alone for 18 years of my life and I survived. I survived the good times and the bad. The loneliness and demons that crept up each night from my thoughts, consuming my every being till the sun rose once more.
I should learn to be alone once more. I should learn to be ordinary once more.
But, I just can’t anymore, not with you being around me, charging up the air like a live wire. Call it a physical attraction or a mental connection, you’ve got me caught up in your world and I’m not ready to leave. Not just yet.